Showering Man vs Woman

November 1, 2004 at 8:05 pm Leave a comment

How To Shower Like A Woman

  • Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
  • Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
  • If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

  • Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note – must do more sit-ups.
  • Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
  • Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
  • Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
  • Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil.
  • Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
  • Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
  • Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
  • Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
  • Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
  • Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
  • Turn off the shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
  • Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
  • Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
  • Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
  • If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend and hour and a half getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man

  • Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
  • Walk naked to the bathroom.
  • If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
  • Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
  • Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
  • Fart.
  • Get in the shower.
  • Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
  • Wash your face.
  • Wash your armpits.
  • Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
  • Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
  • Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
  • Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
  • Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
  • Make a shampoo Mohawk.
  • Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
  • Pee (in the shower).
  • Rinse off and get out of the shower.
  • Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
  • Partially dry off.
  • Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener size again.
  • Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
  • Leave bathroom fan and light on.
  • Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.
  • If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
  • Throw wet towel on the bed.
  • Get dressed in under two minutes.
  • Fart
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Entry filed under: Humor.

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