I am not me! I wear a mask. And its not the same mask I wear all the time. The mask changes depending on the role I have to play. Its relative to time, place and people. I try to hide my real self. I try to be somebody else. I try to make an ‘impression’. I try to live an image which I am not.
I don’t remember how long have I been wearing the ‘masks’. But I guess it must have been a really long time. Maybe from the time, I was learning to talk and walk. It wasn’t my will. It was people’s expectations. I was supposed to act ‘perfect’. Though I have never been perfect but have strived to act by wearing these ‘masks’.
I don’t cry when I want to. And I don’t laugh when I want to. I hide my real feelings. Sometimes I agree with things which I feel are wrong. Probably most of the times and may be for the good. Most of the time I don’t know what people expect from me. And sometimes I find it hard to live up to their expectations. And I don’t blame them. I wish I had presented my real self to them.
Today, even if I want to be myself I know people would never accept the changes in me and would expect me to be the same old guy with the mask. Its too late now. Even if I want to throw off my mask and try to be myself I know it would be relatively difficult. I don’t know if I will be able to throw off my mask someday. I don’t know if I will be able to even recognize myself then. I have lost my real self somewhere. I know its within me. But can I find it?
Entry filed under: Short n Sweet.